 The
housemates get prepared for the weekly task by donning
their protective kneepads and smearing camouflage paint
on their faces.They are locked into the bedroom whilst
big brother 'prepare' the garden.
They plan whilst in the bedroom to come running out
into the
garden all Charlie's Angel style. |
 Ahmed
has a nap.
Marco - 'ahh, I just want to get on with it now... How's
my make-up Stuart?'
Vanessa - 'you'd better watch out for him Stu, Michelle's
out the way now'
Marco - 'I'd better watch out for Stu.. Michelle is like
'step away'
Vanessa - ''get off my man'
Marco - 'What you gonna do Michelle?'
Vanessa - 'ahh funny' |
This is big brother. Housemates may now leave the bedroom
and precede immediately to the sofa area, you must not
touch any equipment for tonight's challenge.
Vanessa - 'big brother, can we quickly go for a wee?'
All the housemates go to the patio door and look at the
crap that big brother has 'installed' for tonight's
challenge.
Yellow hoops, red cones and something in the corner
covered in a black cloth.
Marco - 'Oh I have a really bad feeling about this.. this
is definitely gonna be bugs'
|
Dan - 'Don't forget your poses, I'm not'
They jump out of the bedroom into the garden and
'strike a pose'.
Stuart - 'big brother five crew!'
Marco - 'guys! I'm no good at hoopla!'
Dan - 'it's not a game I've played often'
They go back into the house.
|
This is big brother will all housemates proceed
immediately to the sofa area.
Dan - 'yes, we're here sexy.. you not looking at your
monitor?'
Stuart - 'we are some action heroes aren?t we?'
Marco - 'blatantly'
Stuart - 'What's your action hero name gonna be?
'Marco - 'shall we use our 'star wars' name?'
|
|
Stuart - 'well you've got to be something 'man' or
something 'girl' or something 'woman' like...' Dan -
'well I'm 'action Dan''
Stuart - 'have we got an obstacle course then?'
Marco - 'what's your bets then? obstacle course?'
Shell - 'I'm betting bugs'
Marco - 'I still reckon bugs'
Nadia -'oh for gods sake'
Marco - 'because we're wearing swimsuits'
Shell - 'to get them to touch everywhere'
Vanessa - 'oh yuck' |
 This
is big brother, would one housemate please now open
envelope one, and read the content to the rest of the
group
Nadia - 'exciting'
 Marco
reads from the laminate, they have to choose four
housemates to take part in the first part of the
challenge, they choose Dan, Jason, Vanessa and Stuart.
Vanessa goes to the diary room and tells big brother the
names, forgetting Stuart's name for a good twenty
seconds.
Stuart - 'what is it gonna be out there?'
Marco - 'ooh I'm really curious'
Stuart -'maybe we're gonna have to do an obstacle course,
a relay and...'
Vanessa gets the second envelope, and leaves the diary
room
Vanessa - 'Stu I totally forgot your name!'
|
They all head off into the garden.
Vanessa reads the second envelope; they have to do a
human wheelbarrow race.
Jason pairs with Vanessa and Dan pairs with Stuart.
They have to pick up the yellow tokens and bring them
back to where they started. |
 |
They carry them in their mouths.
Two minutes later, they have collected all nine.
Each token was worth ten seconds, so they collected
ninety seconds for the second part of the night's
challenge
 Stuart
- 'wicked guys, I'm well pleased'
Vanessa - 'fuck.. that was fun'
Marco - 'I'm glad it wasn't hoopla!'
Stuart - 'that's amazing we got nine, I'm well pleased'
Dan - 'that's ten seconds for each person in the team,
that's funny that isn't it?'
Marco - 'is that what they said?'
Dan - 'well no, work it out, ninety seconds, there is
nine of us'
|
This is big brother, housemates competing in the second
part of the challenge must put on their helmets, goggles
and ensure their gloves are on
Dan - 'big brother? the housemates that competed in the
first part? are they allowed to compete in the second
part?'
Nadia - 'no, because we only have five helmets, and five
glasses'
Dan - 'ahh right'
Stuart - 'we've got to sit back and watch the show guys'
Nadia - 'oh actually, guys, I'm lying, there is four
helmets, but five glasses.. but there is helmets left, so
I'm not sure what is happening' |
 Dan
- 'big brother, you're not making it clear, how many
housemates do you need to be in the second part of the
game?'
Marco - 'guys c'mon! lets kick arse'
Shell - 'c'mon Ahmed, you can do this.. as long as it is
not bugs'
Marco - 'do it! do it! do it!'
Victor reads the contents of the third envelope to the
housemates, they pull down the black drapes to reveal a
tank of stinging nettles and some bars
Nadia - 'oh my god' |
 Jason
- 'shit, what's that? nettles?'
Marco - 'no way! oh darling that is so 'ow''
Vanessa - 'guys, and the thing is.. to get rid of the
nettle stings, you just have to urinate on yourselves and
you'll be fine'
Victor reads the rest of the laminate; the housemates
taking part have to hang for one hundred and thirty
seconds each from the bar over the nettles.
Shell goes first and hangs for the entire time and
completes the challenge
Marco goes next |
 Marco
- 'fuck!'
Stuart - 'cross your legs dude, cross your legs'
Shell - 'cross your legs around the pole even'
Marco - 'can I?'
Shell - 'you can do it around the pole, you'll find you
can do it around the pole'
Dan - 'yeah, it doesn't say anything about that in the
rules'
Nadia - 'can you?' |
 Marco
- 'are you sure?'
Shell - 'it doesn't say anything about that in the rules
Marco.. you've just got to hang'
Jason - 'they will probably tell us afterwards if it is
wrong'
Shells advice costs the housemates two thousand pounds,
big brother tells the housemates that Marco has failed
the task.Stuart - 'honestly man, if it's not on the
instructions, what can we do?'
Dan - 'if they are not playing fair, what can we do?' |
 Shell
- 'arseholes man'
Ahmed goes next...
Dan - (who is still pondering on why Marco failed when
big brother 'never' said they couldn't use the posts)
'the thing is it is outrageous, them moving the goal
posts like that'
Jason - 'they never mentioned that did they?'
Dan - 'that's like.. why don't we just fuck off now, if
you're not going to play fair'
Stuart - 'have you noticed that they are just giving us a
Trojan horse, every week'
|
 Dan
- 'yeah'
Ahmed (still hanging) has a face like a man constipated
at this point in time
Stuart - 'forty seconds left man.. you can do it'
Shell - you're doing so well.. you can do it.. you're
doing so well.. ' (repeating sycophantic praise
constantly)
They start to count down from thirty.. Ahmed slips off
and fails
Dan - 'yunno of they are going to start moving the
goalposts, we can soon start swearing and mentioning..'
(the next two words are accentuated in a really pissed
off 'camp' manner) 'BRAND NAMES' |
 Victor
goes next...
Shell - 'go on Vic. .have a go.. It?ll sting, but you'll
get there'
 Nadia
- 'will they sting? oh fucking hell'
Victor - 'I ain't gonna fucking make this..'
Victor gives up
Marco - 'oooh, don't worry'
Victor - '...my fucking hand was slipping' |
 Nadia
goes next...
Nadia - 'ooh fucking hell.. oh fucking hell.. I'm
slipping.. I'm soo slipping'
Nadia slips and fails
Marco - 'ooh angel.. ooooh darling!'
Nadia - 'I couldn't get the fucking grip, sorry'Stuart
- 'so it was designed to just screw us over again.. from
now on guys we have to watch out for these Trojan horses,
because they just love it' |
Shell - ' we totally do'
Dan - 'is that an Armani? Trojan horse is it?'
Marco - 'don't worry guys... #the sun will come out!
tomorrow!'
Vanessa - 'guys, the thing is, the whole challenge has
been physical..'
Big brother announces that they have just seventy seven
thousand left in the prize fun now after losing eight
grand. |
 Dan
- (shouting) 'WE'RE NOT BOTHERED ABOUT THE MONEY, WHEN
ARE YOU GOING TO FUCKING REALISE THAT?'
Jason - (whispering) 'this is live'
Dan - 'pisses me off'
big brother says tonight's challenge is over
Dan - 'oh hurrah'
Stuart - 'no literally guys, we've got to think about the
Trojan horses'
Dan - 'when are they gonna start giving us something we
can strive for?'
|
 Stuart
- 'we've just gotta watch out for the Trojan horses from
now on guys'
Dan - 'assholes'
Stuart - 'I just feel like we've been outsmarted again by
those guys.. aggh, I just hate being outsmarted by big
brother.. aggh!'
Marco - (to Nadia) 'oh darling how are your legs?'
Nadia - 'they are stinging'
Marco - 'so 'ow' I swear to god.. so 'ow' man I am never
looking forward to a Saturday night challenge again' |
Jason - 'what a load of shite.. such is life.. as they
say'
Vanessa - 'so doing really well fucked up? a mind fuck,
that's all it is.. but you know what? the last challenge
is going to win all the money back..'
Shell - 'hopefully.. like shooting the producers?'
Nadia - 'by the eighth week, they'll be no money left'
Shell - 'that'll be quite funny, then there will be no
point in us doing the tasks'
Nadia - 'I know'
Marco - 'It wasn't I couldn't hang on, it's just my feet
were hanging 'in' the nettles' |
Meanwhile in the bedsit room, The Lively Birds watch
the other housemates dangle over the nettles, Emma looks
(en)gross(ed)... |
