The housemates are made to don protective clothing and sit on a bench in the garden.

Emma delegates herself as poet laureate and reads from the laminate.

Emma - 'housemates.. as.. you.. are.. aware.. housemates currently .. have a.. prize found of ninety one thousand pound. Tonight housemates will face a challenge. If successful the prize fund will remain as ninety one thousand pound..'

Stuart - say it again, say it again..'

Emma - 'I'm the lest intelligent by the way'

Shell - 'so you have to stand behind the marker you think your intelligence is, one being the most intelligent, eleven being the least'

Emma - 'yeah.. there must be one housemate per marker.. on big brother clack... clack on...'

Shell - 'claxon'

Emma - 'yeah.. you will have forty five seconds to decide housemates. Must not move before clack on'
 

Emma - 'claxon.. failing to comply with any of big brother instructions will result in housemates failing the challenge'

Stuart - 'so.. so how are we assessing our intelligence levels?'

Emma - 'you read it.. I don't understand.. CAN I GO ELEVEN?'

Vanessa - 'I'll go five'

Big brother blows the 'clack on' and they all run to the markers

Stuart just assumes he will be number one and strides up to the first marker

Shell - 'get it right because they are going to be testing us'

Stuart - 'Is anybody good at mental arithmetic, because I'm...'

Victor - 'I'm shit at maths'

the 'clack on' blows

This is big brother, your time is up.

 Stuart you are by marker one, you are therefore the most intelligent person in the house, please go to the bench and remain there until further notice.

 This is big brother, would one of the remaining housemates please open envelope two, and read the instructions out loud to the rest of the group

Dan - 'for the second part of tonight?s challenge, housemates must rate themselves in order of strength by standing behind one of the markers, one being the.. like we've gotta be really honest here because they are gonna put it to the test.. one being the strongest, and ten being the least strong. There must only be one housemate per marker'

Jason takes number one, Victor is two, Shell gets number ten

This is big brother, your time is now up. Jason you are by marker one, and are therefore the strongest person in the house, please go to the bench and stay there until further notice

 

Shell opens envelope three

Shell - 'housemates you may now remove the cover from the roundabout, this is the final part of tonight's challenge, on big brother's instruction all the remaining housemates apart from the strongest and most intelligent must board the roundabout and face outwards, the roundabout be spun by the strongest housemate and must be kept at a minimum speed of fifteen RPM as shown by the speedometer. The roundabout must only be spun in one direction, on big brother's instruction the most intelligent housemate must come to the diary room. The most intelligent housemate will be asked eight questions, each worth one thousand pounds and a final question worth two thousand. If the most intelligent housemates answers one question correctly they may choose one person to dismount the roundabout. If the most intelligent housemate answers a question incorrectly no housemate may dismount the roundabout, and money will be deducted from the total prize fund...'

Victor - 'listen, Stuart! Stuart! Stuart! Stuart! listen yeah? listen Stuart! yeah, if you get one right then get me off because I'm probably the heaviest guy here'

Shell - '...no housemate must attempt to dismount the roundabout when it's moving. For each housemate that dismounts the roundabout voluntarily, a thousand pounds will be deducted from the prize fund'

Victor - 'Stuart! Stuart! you listening yeah? every question you get right, get the heaviest guys off'

This is big brother. Will the strongest housemate take their position by the roundabout. Will all the other housemates mount the roundabout, ensuring that they are facing outwards. Would the most intelligent housemate come to the diary room.

Victor - 'how does this make any sense?'

Marco - 'all you have to do is hold on darling'


 

QUESTION ONE

If you were climbing Mount Kilimanjaro, which country will you be in?

Stuart - 'How long do I have to answer the question? sorry.. Kenya'

Your answer is incorrect, the correct answer is Tanzania. You have now lost one thousand pounds

QUESTION TWO

Who is the president of France?

Stuart - 'er... Jacque Chirac'

Your answer is correct, please select one housemate to dismount the roundabout

Stuart - 'could we have Victor off?'

They stop the roundabout, everybody groans and Victor dismounts the roundabout and moves to the bench. They start to spin the roundabout again.

Emma - 'oh my god.. OH MY GOD'

QUESTION THREE

'Two households, both alike in dignity' are the opening words of which William Shakespeare play?'

Stuart - 'err.. Romeo and Juliet'

Your answer is correct..

Stuart selects Dan to dismount this time, Jason starts to spin it again

QUESTION FOUR

In the 2003 mobo awards, who won best R&B act?

Stuart - 'em...Dizzee Rascal?'

Your answer is incorrect, the correct answer is Justin Timberlake. You have now lost one thousand pounds

Emma - 'I'm gonna be sick!'

Victor - 'c'mon guys.. dig in!'

QUESTION FIVE

Jimmy 'the whirlwind' White is world famous for playing which sport?

Stuart - 'ehm.. boxing?'

Your answer is incorrect, the correct answer is snooker, you have now lost one thousand pounds

QUESTION SIX

Which cartoon family lives at number seven four three, evergreen terrace, Springfield?

Stuart - 'Simpsons'

Stuart picks Ahmed to dismount the roundabout, he looks like he is going to be sick as he does so.

QUESTION SEVEN

What is the capital city of Australia?

Stuart - 'crap... Canberra?'

Your answer is correct..

Stuart - 'ehm.. I will choose Marco please'

Meanwhile back in the garden

Dan - 'Marco is gonna hurl..'

Victor - 'yup'

Dan - 'he's going to up chuck city and he 'ain't comin' home'

Unfortunately it's a teeny bit late, and as Jason stops spinning the roundabout Marco throws up

Marco - 'sorry I needed to get that out'

the housemate chosen to dismount he roundabout is Marco

Marco - 'oh, thank fuck.. big brother, you are one twisted.. twisted.. come on guys you can do it!'

Victor - 'dig in, dig in guys, c'mon Michelle you can do it'

QUESTION EIGHT

Name three of the central characters in the US hit comedy show 'friends'

Stuart - ehm.. is that the actors? or the characters? ok... is that correct? it's not actors you're after?... Joey Tribbiani, ehm.. Chandler Bing and Ross Geller'

your answer is correct

Stuart chooses Nadia

Marco - 'let's all sing just to screw them, so they have to pay some royalties or something'

the roundabout stops, Nadia tries to get off

Nadia - 'is anyone allowed to help me?

QUESTION NINE (the biggie for two thousand pounds)

Who did Will Smith join forces with in the nineteen ninety one hit 'summertime?'

Stuart - 'I've got utterly no idea.. Will Smith... err.. I can't even think of any affiliated musicians.. co star in one of his shows maybe?'

big brother has timed you out the answer was DJ Jazzy Jeff

Stuart 'the most intelligent man in the house' manages to lose the housemates five thousand pounds.